Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
