I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
