Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize