Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
