he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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