Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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