Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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