Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
