Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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