i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
