my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize