My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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