I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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