They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I understand Curling. That high.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
