You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Even my vagina gasped.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize