Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
