It's Friday. Sex?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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