im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize