He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
