I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
