How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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