Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
