so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize