With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
