It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
