he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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