you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
