So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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