I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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