shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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