it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
