why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
