Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
