No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
