I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
