We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i need some magic done to my vagina
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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