I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
