based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
