let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
