hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
40s are totally the cure
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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