Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
