he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
