I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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