I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
True strength comes from lack of pants
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
