NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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