but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
