i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
