It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
