I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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