If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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