My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize