pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
