I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
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So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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