my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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