I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
