omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize