I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
