the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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