We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
