So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
